(March 3, 2011) We ask our readers to bear with us at this time as we are experiencing technical difficulties with our online edition.

We will make every effort to bring the news to you with or without photos in a timely manner and will work diligently to correct the problems.

Thank you for your patience,

Jefferson County Staff of M3P Media LLC

(March 3, 2011) We ask our readers to bear with us at this time as we are experiencing technical difficulties with our online edition.

We will make every effort to bring the news to you with or without photos in a timely manner and will work diligently to correct the problems.

Thank you for your patience,

Jefferson County Staff of M3P Media LLC

Dear Reva,
I am writing as I am outraged at the ridiculous decision our small town school has made to no longer pick up students at their houses. This pertains to children who are in 4th grade and up. If they are in kindergarten through 3rd grade, the children will be picked up at their homes by the bus. But, 4th grade and up have to walk to a corner, some, quite a distance away to get a ride on the bus. I am appalled. Busses aren’t always on time, so many parents who have little babies or toddlers will have to dress and get out in the cold daily for the winter weather. And they will because no parent in their right mind will let their kids who are 10 years old stand outside to be stalked by strangers in this day and age. Not to mention the fact that there’s a pedophile who lives a half mile away from our school. Great, huh? So much for helping us protect our kids. I know of a grandmother who has her granddaughter in the morning as the kid’s mom goes to work early. This girl has to walk two blocks down and turn a corner. That older grandmother can’t even see the kid none-the-less help her if she was to get hurt. The school said the law permits them to do this, and they need to save money due to the budget problems. This is a school district whose taxes are very generous to the school. I don’t understand how they could be saving much money at all. Even so, I will gladly pay the what???? 10 cents a ride for my kid to get picked up at our home. Reva, what can we do? Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,
I am going to assume you and other parents have gone to the school board with this problem. If not, write letters to them, go to a board meeting, get a petition moving NOW! Have everyone in the community sign it. Even call the superintendent’s office and talk with him / her about your concerns. VOICE! VOICE! VOICE! Loudly and strongly…get everyone involved even parents of the k-3 kids because it will soon affect them too. The school district has really inconvenienced everyone here and put kids in a rather unsafe position.You can even write letters to the editor of the local newspaper and online newspapers. Also call the bus garage and complain. There is power in numbers here. The more people who complain and ruffle their feathers, so to speak, the more likely you will change their minds on this because this is not a good thing. The district probably wants to keep this quiet. You can even write your mayor and senator to seek help. Hopefully, the school district will see what a problem this is and change its decision. Until that changes, you may want to carpool kids to school. Maybe take turns with other parents you know well. Good luck! ~Reva

Dear Reva,
I am writing as I am outraged at the ridiculous decision our small town school has made to no longer pick up students at their houses. This pertains to children who are in 4th grade and up. If they are in kindergarten through 3rd grade, the children will be picked up at their homes by the bus. But, 4th grade and up have to walk to a corner, some, quite a distance away to get a ride on the bus. I am appalled. Busses aren’t always on time, so many parents who have little babies or toddlers will have to dress and get out in the cold daily for the winter weather. And they will because no parent in their right mind will let their kids who are 10 years old stand outside to be stalked by strangers in this day and age. Not to mention the fact that there’s a pedophile who lives a half mile away from our school. Great, huh? So much for helping us protect our kids. I know of a grandmother who has her granddaughter in the morning as the kid’s mom goes to work early. This girl has to walk two blocks down and turn a corner. That older grandmother can’t even see the kid none-the-less help her if she was to get hurt. The school said the law permits them to do this, and they need to save money due to the budget problems. This is a school district whose taxes are very generous to the school. I don’t understand how they could be saving much money at all. Even so, I will gladly pay the what???? 10 cents a ride for my kid to get picked up at our home. Reva, what can we do? Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,
I am going to assume you and other parents have gone to the school board with this problem. If not, write letters to them, go to a board meeting, get a petition moving NOW! Have everyone in the community sign it. Even call the superintendent’s office and talk with him / her about your concerns. VOICE! VOICE! VOICE! Loudly and strongly…get everyone involved even parents of the k-3 kids because it will soon affect them too. The school district has really inconvenienced everyone here and put kids in a rather unsafe position.You can even write letters to the editor of the local newspaper and online newspapers. Also call the bus garage and complain. There is power in numbers here. The more people who complain and ruffle their feathers, so to speak, the more likely you will change their minds on this because this is not a good thing. The district probably wants to keep this quiet. You can even write your mayor and senator to seek help. Hopefully, the school district will see what a problem this is and change its decision. Until that changes, you may want to carpool kids to school. Maybe take turns with other parents you know well. Good luck! ~Reva

Dear Reva,
I am writing as I am outraged at the ridiculous decision our small town school has made to no longer pick up students at their houses. This pertains to children who are in 4th grade and up. If they are in kindergarten through 3rd grade, the children will be picked up at their homes by the bus. But, 4th grade and up have to walk to a corner, some, quite a distance away to get a ride on the bus. I am appalled. Busses aren’t always on time, so many parents who have little babies or toddlers will have to dress and get out in the cold daily for the winter weather. And they will because no parent in their right mind will let their kids who are 10 years old stand outside to be stalked by strangers in this day and age. Not to mention the fact that there’s a pedophile who lives a half mile away from our school. Great, huh? So much for helping us protect our kids. I know of a grandmother who has her granddaughter in the morning as the kid’s mom goes to work early. This girl has to walk two blocks down and turn a corner. That older grandmother can’t even see the kid none-the-less help her if she was to get hurt. The school said the law permits them to do this, and they need to save money due to the budget problems. This is a school district whose taxes are very generous to the school. I don’t understand how they could be saving much money at all. Even so, I will gladly pay the what???? 10 cents a ride for my kid to get picked up at our home. Reva, what can we do? Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,
I am going to assume you and other parents have gone to the school board with this problem. If not, write letters to them, go to a board meeting, get a petition moving NOW! Have everyone in the community sign it. Even call the superintendent’s office and talk with him / her about your concerns. VOICE! VOICE! VOICE! Loudly and strongly…get everyone involved even parents of the k-3 kids because it will soon affect them too. The school district has really inconvenienced everyone here and put kids in a rather unsafe position.You can even write letters to the editor of the local newspaper and online newspapers. Also call the bus garage and complain. There is power in numbers here. The more people who complain and ruffle their feathers, so to speak, the more likely you will change their minds on this because this is not a good thing. The district probably wants to keep this quiet. You can even write your mayor and senator to seek help. Hopefully, the school district will see what a problem this is and change its decision. Until that changes, you may want to carpool kids to school. Maybe take turns with other parents you know well. Good luck! ~Reva

Many of the requests often received by dear “so-n-so” columns are often problems that need to be “talked out.”

Let’s get real on some things……look at your problem/situation in the face. Did you do anything to cause it? If so, then perhaps an apology is an order. Let’s look at some inappropriate ways to apologize……….
Do Not…..
1. yell “SORRY” and stamper off like a little kid.
2. place blame on the other person. (For example…I am sorry you made me do it.)
3. call names. (For example….I apologize that you’re an idiot).
4. apologize for the person’s feelings. (For example, I am sorry you were disappointed.)
5. have an emotional thrust…the crying, yelling etc…Take some time, wait awhile if you need to in order to have a composed discussion.

People need to talk things out. That is a number ONE problem!….We often can’t! Ya see, what often happens is that we don’t like to listen to the other side, but Man, we want to be heard! So some people drive off in cars, swear, break dishes, cry and scream…whatever… so they can be heard! Ridiculous! It’s time to change to a people of self-control. We should have calmness and politeness, and we need to care about others…enough to listen with our hearts. We often listen to words and try to form a defense immediately, instead of saying we’re sorry and meaning it. We need to apologize to set ourselves free from defending wrong or hurt and to set others free from hurt and injustice…..

It is alright to take some time away from the person. After all, you just had an argument of some sort. Let them know if you can. Say something like, “I can’t talk about this right now. I just need some time.” You can also add a time for that person to call you, or when you will call them. Really “get to the heart” apologies should be done face to face if possible, (when both people are ready). You can see the person’s reactions, body language etc. and often follow that if need be; for example there may be a misunderstanding and you’ll be able to see that in their facial expressions.

Furthermore an apology should be “I am sorry for (action you did or something you said). Please forgive me. I didn’t intend to hurt you.” If you did intend to hurt the person (and at times we do), then at the end say, “I did it because……..(fill in) I was angry (for example), and that’s a shallow reason, and I am so sorry.” That’s a great apology. One with guts that takes ownership of the wrong-doing.

For example: “Jack, I am sorry for yelling at you and calling you a jerk. I was over-emotional and did not intend to hurt you. I know I really need to get control over these emotions, so I can calm down and talk out our problems. Please forgive me.”

Sometimes it isn’t easy, but don’t sit around and analyze your apology…”just do it.” I recently apologized for something I thought was so ridiculous for the offender to be upset about. Not only did I think it was ridiculous; but I also thought I was RIGHT about the situation at hand…even after we talked the details out. However, I did NOT tell the person I felt that way. I just apologized with heartfelt sincerity. Why? And did I lie?

Firstly, I didn’t lie….I wanted the person to be set free from hurt. And yes it was a true “gutsy” apology like the one above. There was a part of my brain saying, What are you doing, Reva? This is nuts?” But, my heart said, “I hurt her, no matter how trivial I think it is. She’s in pain over this, and our relationship will not be the same until she knows my heart wants peace too” So, really it is about laying down our pride, at times, for the ability to have PEACE!

I know people who have held grudges for years….Why do people do that? Because they are RIGHT! There may be other ‘things” at hand, like money, or valuable items (whether it’s monetary or sentimental.) But those things in life will pass away….money is gone in a heartbeat and items, get lost, broken, etc. Let’s face it. PRIDE holds us back. We want to be right AND we want the other party to ACKNOWLEDGE that we are right! (Dang! wouldn’t that be nice.) Normally that doesn’t happen, so we stay angry and sever our relationship for years.

Receiving an apology is usually much easier than giving one. We usually say that we accept the person’s apology after talking it out and go on with life. In severe situations we may not go on in life with that person as a friend or in our lives. Believe it or not….that’s okay too. I have a friend whose ex-husband had cheated on her many times. How many times can she forgive that? Her mind always wondering who he’s with. None-the-less, how many STDs will she have or even knowing she could contract AIDS. The list goes on. I think the best way to put it is use your own judgment. If you are constantly being hurt by someone, you may be in more serious danger….don’t engage with them any more.

That’s all for now. Enjoy your week.
~Reva

Reva is a graduate of SUNY Potsdam with a bachelors degrees in psychology and education. She’s also a graduate of SUNY Cortland with a masters degree in education. Reva has worked many years as an educator and gives very practical advice.
If you have a question for Reva, email her at reva@m3ppublications.com

Many of the requests often received by dear “so-n-so” columns are often problems that need to be “talked out.”

Let’s get real on some things……look at your problem/situation in the face. Did you do anything to cause it? If so, then perhaps an apology is an order. Let’s look at some inappropriate ways to apologize……….
Do Not…..
1. yell “SORRY” and stamper off like a little kid.
2. place blame on the other person. (For example…I am sorry you made me do it.)
3. call names. (For example….I apologize that you’re an idiot).
4. apologize for the person’s feelings. (For example, I am sorry you were disappointed.)
5. have an emotional thrust…the crying, yelling etc…Take some time, wait awhile if you need to in order to have a composed discussion.

People need to talk things out. That is a number ONE problem!….We often can’t! Ya see, what often happens is that we don’t like to listen to the other side, but Man, we want to be heard! So some people drive off in cars, swear, break dishes, cry and scream…whatever… so they can be heard! Ridiculous! It’s time to change to a people of self-control. We should have calmness and politeness, and we need to care about others…enough to listen with our hearts. We often listen to words and try to form a defense immediately, instead of saying we’re sorry and meaning it. We need to apologize to set ourselves free from defending wrong or hurt and to set others free from hurt and injustice…..

It is alright to take some time away from the person. After all, you just had an argument of some sort. Let them know if you can. Say something like, “I can’t talk about this right now. I just need some time.” You can also add a time for that person to call you, or when you will call them. Really “get to the heart” apologies should be done face to face if possible, (when both people are ready). You can see the person’s reactions, body language etc. and often follow that if need be; for example there may be a misunderstanding and you’ll be able to see that in their facial expressions.

Furthermore an apology should be “I am sorry for (action you did or something you said). Please forgive me. I didn’t intend to hurt you.” If you did intend to hurt the person (and at times we do), then at the end say, “I did it because……..(fill in) I was angry (for example), and that’s a shallow reason, and I am so sorry.” That’s a great apology. One with guts that takes ownership of the wrong-doing.

For example: “Jack, I am sorry for yelling at you and calling you a jerk. I was over-emotional and did not intend to hurt you. I know I really need to get control over these emotions, so I can calm down and talk out our problems. Please forgive me.”

Sometimes it isn’t easy, but don’t sit around and analyze your apology…”just do it.” I recently apologized for something I thought was so ridiculous for the offender to be upset about. Not only did I think it was ridiculous; but I also thought I was RIGHT about the situation at hand…even after we talked the details out. However, I did NOT tell the person I felt that way. I just apologized with heartfelt sincerity. Why? And did I lie?

Firstly, I didn’t lie….I wanted the person to be set free from hurt. And yes it was a true “gutsy” apology like the one above. There was a part of my brain saying, What are you doing, Reva? This is nuts?” But, my heart said, “I hurt her, no matter how trivial I think it is. She’s in pain over this, and our relationship will not be the same until she knows my heart wants peace too” So, really it is about laying down our pride, at times, for the ability to have PEACE!

I know people who have held grudges for years….Why do people do that? Because they are RIGHT! There may be other ‘things” at hand, like money, or valuable items (whether it’s monetary or sentimental.) But those things in life will pass away….money is gone in a heartbeat and items, get lost, broken, etc. Let’s face it. PRIDE holds us back. We want to be right AND we want the other party to ACKNOWLEDGE that we are right! (Dang! wouldn’t that be nice.) Normally that doesn’t happen, so we stay angry and sever our relationship for years.

Receiving an apology is usually much easier than giving one. We usually say that we accept the person’s apology after talking it out and go on with life. In severe situations we may not go on in life with that person as a friend or in our lives. Believe it or not….that’s okay too. I have a friend whose ex-husband had cheated on her many times. How many times can she forgive that? Her mind always wondering who he’s with. None-the-less, how many STDs will she have or even knowing she could contract AIDS. The list goes on. I think the best way to put it is use your own judgment. If you are constantly being hurt by someone, you may be in more serious danger….don’t engage with them any more.

That’s all for now. Enjoy your week.
~Reva

Reva is a graduate of SUNY Potsdam with a bachelors degrees in psychology and education. She’s also a graduate of SUNY Cortland with a masters degree in education. Reva has worked many years as an educator and gives very practical advice.
If you have a question for Reva, email her at reva@m3ppublications.com

Many of the requests often received by dear “so-n-so” columns are often problems that need to be “talked out.”

Let’s get real on some things……look at your problem/situation in the face. Did you do anything to cause it? If so, then perhaps an apology is an order. Let’s look at some inappropriate ways to apologize……….
Do Not…..
1. yell “SORRY” and stamper off like a little kid.
2. place blame on the other person. (For example…I am sorry you made me do it.)
3. call names. (For example….I apologize that you’re an idiot).
4. apologize for the person’s feelings. (For example, I am sorry you were disappointed.)
5. have an emotional thrust…the crying, yelling etc…Take some time, wait awhile if you need to in order to have a composed discussion.

People need to talk things out. That is a number ONE problem!….We often can’t! Ya see, what often happens is that we don’t like to listen to the other side, but Man, we want to be heard! So some people drive off in cars, swear, break dishes, cry and scream…whatever… so they can be heard! Ridiculous! It’s time to change to a people of self-control. We should have calmness and politeness, and we need to care about others…enough to listen with our hearts. We often listen to words and try to form a defense immediately, instead of saying we’re sorry and meaning it. We need to apologize to set ourselves free from defending wrong or hurt and to set others free from hurt and injustice…..

It is alright to take some time away from the person. After all, you just had an argument of some sort. Let them know if you can. Say something like, “I can’t talk about this right now. I just need some time.” You can also add a time for that person to call you, or when you will call them. Really “get to the heart” apologies should be done face to face if possible, (when both people are ready). You can see the person’s reactions, body language etc. and often follow that if need be; for example there may be a misunderstanding and you’ll be able to see that in their facial expressions.

Furthermore an apology should be “I am sorry for (action you did or something you said). Please forgive me. I didn’t intend to hurt you.” If you did intend to hurt the person (and at times we do), then at the end say, “I did it because……..(fill in) I was angry (for example), and that’s a shallow reason, and I am so sorry.” That’s a great apology. One with guts that takes ownership of the wrong-doing.

For example: “Jack, I am sorry for yelling at you and calling you a jerk. I was over-emotional and did not intend to hurt you. I know I really need to get control over these emotions, so I can calm down and talk out our problems. Please forgive me.”

Sometimes it isn’t easy, but don’t sit around and analyze your apology…”just do it.” I recently apologized for something I thought was so ridiculous for the offender to be upset about. Not only did I think it was ridiculous; but I also thought I was RIGHT about the situation at hand…even after we talked the details out. However, I did NOT tell the person I felt that way. I just apologized with heartfelt sincerity. Why? And did I lie?

Firstly, I didn’t lie….I wanted the person to be set free from hurt. And yes it was a true “gutsy” apology like the one above. There was a part of my brain saying, What are you doing, Reva? This is nuts?” But, my heart said, “I hurt her, no matter how trivial I think it is. She’s in pain over this, and our relationship will not be the same until she knows my heart wants peace too” So, really it is about laying down our pride, at times, for the ability to have PEACE!

I know people who have held grudges for years….Why do people do that? Because they are RIGHT! There may be other ‘things” at hand, like money, or valuable items (whether it’s monetary or sentimental.) But those things in life will pass away….money is gone in a heartbeat and items, get lost, broken, etc. Let’s face it. PRIDE holds us back. We want to be right AND we want the other party to ACKNOWLEDGE that we are right! (Dang! wouldn’t that be nice.) Normally that doesn’t happen, so we stay angry and sever our relationship for years.

Receiving an apology is usually much easier than giving one. We usually say that we accept the person’s apology after talking it out and go on with life. In severe situations we may not go on in life with that person as a friend or in our lives. Believe it or not….that’s okay too. I have a friend whose ex-husband had cheated on her many times. How many times can she forgive that? Her mind always wondering who he’s with. None-the-less, how many STDs will she have or even knowing she could contract AIDS. The list goes on. I think the best way to put it is use your own judgment. If you are constantly being hurt by someone, you may be in more serious danger….don’t engage with them any more.

That’s all for now. Enjoy your week.
~Reva

Reva is a graduate of SUNY Potsdam with a bachelors degrees in psychology and education. She’s also a graduate of SUNY Cortland with a masters degree in education. Reva has worked many years as an educator and gives very practical advice.
If you have a question for Reva, email her at reva@m3ppublications.com

Dear Reva,
I am a woman in my 40s and I wish to go back to school, however, I have a few hurdles.  Firstly, I work full time and my family needs my income to survive.  Secondly, I don’t have the money to pay out of pocket for classes, even if I go part-time.  Lastly, I am into my 40s, is it really worth going back to school at my age?
Signed,
Forty & uneducated

Dear Forty,
Of course, furthering your education is difficult.  Anything “worth it” in life is.  There are so many unanswered questions here…..So this response will be full of them.  Ask yourself these and see what you can modify in your life to make education possible…..And YES!  I definitely think going back to school in your 40s, or at any age, is worth it. Many people begin new careers then and most are very happy they reentered school.

First question, and a very important one….How will furthering my education help me at this time in my life? Here are some possible answers:
1. Financially (once done)
2. Goal achieved
3. Lift self- esteem / confidence
4. Always wanted to try college
5. Will be doing (career wise) what you want to do

If you want even one of these things, listed, go back to school.  Try it, or you’ ll never know what you are missing. You will always wonder  “what if ????”

As for needing your present income, is it possible to start classes at night?  Then work in the daytime (or vise versa).  Also, financially, make some cuts, like keep the old car for another year or two, give up cable and home phone, only use a cell phone, don’t eat out at restaurants. Things like that will really help.  You’ll be amazed how much you can cut down on unnecessary expenses to help yourself financially.

In addition go to the college you plan to attend and schedule an appointment with the financial assistant, usually in the bursar’s office.  She/He can help you with your loan paper work, tell you what’s available for you, types of loans for which you qualify, and make recommendations based on your financial situation.  Furthermore, you can get a loan, usually a subsidized, so you don’t pay for it until you are finished with college (unless you take a semester or two off or quit, then of course, you have to begin payments).   Plus you can get one while taking a total of 6 credit hours (considered part-time) at most colleges.

There are also many grants to find online these days.  Do a search. Google everything pertaining to you,such as female, minority, or any specific handicap. Especially search for whatever it is you want to become.  I know there are many places fully paying for nurses because we have such a shortage.

Lastly, I want to leave you with a thought I heard long ago pertaining to going back to college.  Think about where you’ll be in another year.  (Probably the same situation, financially, emotionally, etc) What about in two years?  Unless you win the lottery, probably the same…..Now think about that time if you were on track to earning a degree.  When you have something in the “works” it always makes people feel better as they are on their way to obtaining a goal.  Now think ahead 5 years.  If you sit and do nothing, you’ll still be in the same shape.  If you don’t, you’ll have a diploma, hopefully better finances, doing what you love to do, and so much more.  An education no one can take from you and it always pays better. Good luck.
~Reva

Dear Reva,
I am a woman in my 40s and I wish to go back to school, however, I have a few hurdles.  Firstly, I work full time and my family needs my income to survive.  Secondly, I don’t have the money to pay out of pocket for classes, even if I go part-time.  Lastly, I am into my 40s, is it really worth going back to school at my age?
Signed,
Forty & uneducated

Dear Forty,
Of course, furthering your education is difficult.  Anything “worth it” in life is.  There are so many unanswered questions here…..So this response will be full of them.  Ask yourself these and see what you can modify in your life to make education possible…..And YES!  I definitely think going back to school in your 40s, or at any age, is worth it. Many people begin new careers then and most are very happy they reentered school.

First question, and a very important one….How will furthering my education help me at this time in my life? Here are some possible answers:
1. Financially (once done)
2. Goal achieved
3. Lift self- esteem / confidence
4. Always wanted to try college
5. Will be doing (career wise) what you want to do

If you want even one of these things, listed, go back to school.  Try it, or you’ ll never know what you are missing. You will always wonder  “what if ????”

As for needing your present income, is it possible to start classes at night?  Then work in the daytime (or vise versa).  Also, financially, make some cuts, like keep the old car for another year or two, give up cable and home phone, only use a cell phone, don’t eat out at restaurants. Things like that will really help.  You’ll be amazed how much you can cut down on unnecessary expenses to help yourself financially.

In addition go to the college you plan to attend and schedule an appointment with the financial assistant, usually in the bursar’s office.  She/He can help you with your loan paper work, tell you what’s available for you, types of loans for which you qualify, and make recommendations based on your financial situation.  Furthermore, you can get a loan, usually a subsidized, so you don’t pay for it until you are finished with college (unless you take a semester or two off or quit, then of course, you have to begin payments).   Plus you can get one while taking a total of 6 credit hours (considered part-time) at most colleges.

There are also many grants to find online these days.  Do a search. Google everything pertaining to you,such as female, minority, or any specific handicap. Especially search for whatever it is you want to become.  I know there are many places fully paying for nurses because we have such a shortage.

Lastly, I want to leave you with a thought I heard long ago pertaining to going back to college.  Think about where you’ll be in another year.  (Probably the same situation, financially, emotionally, etc) What about in two years?  Unless you win the lottery, probably the same…..Now think about that time if you were on track to earning a degree.  When you have something in the “works” it always makes people feel better as they are on their way to obtaining a goal.  Now think ahead 5 years.  If you sit and do nothing, you’ll still be in the same shape.  If you don’t, you’ll have a diploma, hopefully better finances, doing what you love to do, and so much more.  An education no one can take from you and it always pays better. Good luck.
~Reva